its done

today
like a lioness watching her cub coming of age
going out into the harshness
i should let you go
like a dandelion finally shedding off its seeds
to get dispersed into the wide openess
to face whatever awaits them
i should escort you
gently let go of this hand
that had been forever holding yours
let it down for you to stray far into the land
far from this reach again

tomorrow
i should wake up to a brand new day
without you here
without the thought you would get back
without even the faintest wish that you shall return
i should wake up to the reality
that its done and cannot be undone
that this is that horizon
once stepped obliterates all we ever had
i should learn fast to live with it
it won't be easy but life teaches hard lessons

because only yesterday
you stopped being mine.

____
w17.11.2007 copyright asad 2007

What Door?

When one door closes, another window opens. But to see that window opening you have to have intent to see it.

But intent isn’t enough is it? My grandma always tells me, have intention, then try, then do.

And i try to do. When i fail seven times, i get up eight. That is the code i strive to live for.

Living a certain code is hard. It’s hard as much as it is easy. It is hard when you lose focus of that code and stray in unrelated words like i feel am doing with this story. Yet its easy when you know exactly the stage of the way you are at. Most of the times, I find myself shuffling between these two.

I remember “Dojo” the Japanese philosophy - its not as much where you are in a particular path that matters. It’s about what you do whilst there.

So i find myself in this path. Regardless of where it leads, regardless of where i am on it, i do what matters. That’s all i can do. The universe has a way of letting us know we are a minute detail of its composure. Yet the lovely thing is that what you do transcends the path, it determines how the universe reciprocates to you.

Am i making sense?

I don’t know. Am blubbering.

Back to the window. Focus. You see the sliver of light struggling to enter as it opens. Look intently at it. Forget about the squeak of the closing door. Let go of its image. Concentrate on the window. Hold that picture as long as you can.

Once you hold the picture, try to see beyond its four corners. There are no corners. Light streams from outside and beams the entire room. Light touches the edges of this window and merges them with the wall, blurring the boundaries.

You bask in the warmth of sunrays kissing you. The entire room is white butterflies and birds and dandelion pods float on its glow. You reach out to return the kiss. The warmth is real, the whiteness is real, the butterflies and birds and dandelions are real. So as you kiss, this time you don’t miss. It’s real.

It’s as real as you. And the path you are on. And the point at that path you have reached. And the direction you face at that point in that path. And as real as what you do at that point in that path facing that direction.

Isn’t it amazing how soon you forgot about the closed door?

Fumbo kwa wanaofumbua.

Bibi Kapata Hela

Siisemi kwa kuikemea wala kuitania

Lakini akilini wazo kanimiminikia

Upana wake kwenye gumzo kanifikia

Tunawaza tukiwazua na wenza maskani

Mada tukilichambua mpaka zake mpakani

Moja kanena “Bibi keshapata hela,

Nyumba kalibadilisha jela”

Nami sikusita kulichangia kidogo

“Wako wake wenye kiburi kupita Firauni

Keshashika sumni kidogo

Mume kamtia aibuni”

Mkalia jiwe naye akaingilia

“Mara mume yuko jikoni akimpakulia

Mke tena halafu bafu

ajikunje mgongo mpaka kifua

Ajikaze akifua

Nguo za nje na ndani zote kuzitundika nje

Kwenye kamba

Za mke na watoto zote sambamba”

Kabla kumaliza mwingine kafwatua

“Kuna wengine, lo!

Haswa wakaliwa na kukamuliwa

Mume haneni lolote mbele ya mke wake

Hana chochote angalau kuliita chake

Mkia kalikunja tena kulificha halifichuki

Mdomo na mawazo korokoroni kikomo

Ndoa kawa pishi lililojazwa chuki”

Mara sote twacheka huku twagadhabika

Kwanini wake wengine wakawa hivi?

Pindi kashika shilingi zashinda bwana

Bwana we! Dharau na utata nyumba kaletewa

Hakukaliki na hata kukikalika

Basi ni mke kamkalia mume juu.

--- copyright lenjo asad 2007 ---

Flex, Cutex & Latex

-


Wahenga walinena “Kuishi kwingi, kuona mengi” - the more you live, the more you see.

Incredibly ingenious are the things i learnt this weekend. Coming with “ex” at the end, it all revolved around one very delectable topic. You guessed it!

First there was the free spectacle that i betook to, watching tortoises getting it on. The locals told me that that was a very rare treat to behold and that fuelled my zeal even more. It was outside in the drizzle which made me conclude that such conditions were not only conducive to humans after all! Now imagine there are no photos – the camera got engaged right at that moment when “the mount” occurred. Acrobatics i tell you. The act was naturally slow – but still managed to produce smoking shells outside in the rain. Looked like huge boiled boulders kept outside to steam off!

As i was waiting to take a matatu to Elsamere, hoards of hawkers barraged me with everything from handkerchiefs to padlocks to biscuits. None of these normally useful items interested me. My thoughts were fixated on getting to my destination. But out of this sea of hawkers came someone holding a small aluminium box that resembled those ones they use to hawk samosas and sausages. What was different about this particular box was that it housed not foodstuffs but nail-polish! All types, all colours. The exterior had swashes of the variety painted on it with different clip nail shapes. He had my entire attention. I thought it was a joke. Apparently, he’d walk round like that and get someone who wants a manicure and its done on the streets! Ingenious!

Then in one of my “curious” discussions, i rediscovered something called latex allergy. This is when someone is allergic to latex better known as rubber. More specifically, rubber used in condoms. Now, i don’t know what that whole program entails but it “raises” alot of concerns doesn’t it – if you ever get diagnosed with that.