credit galore

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if people were just able to be content with what they have, without resorting to such crazy lengths to acquire what they don't, i think life would be a more beautiful experience. Of coz am not saying you can't have dreamz and aggressively pursue them, but wherever point you are in life, you can't be at any other point - it's a purposeful stage in your timeline and so instead of agonizing on where you should be, analyze where you are. Here's where you make lemonade coz life handed you lemons and so there's no point wishing they were mangoz!

but people would always be discontented. That's why they invented credit for such masses. And from the look of things, quite a multitude has fallen to its clutches. Someone i know learnt this lesson in a rather crude and rude way.

the jama agrees to sign up as a guarantor for an acquaintance.... yea, it's that interesting. The acq was getting himself one of these damn good-looking suave LG fridges that come with preset temperatures for everything under the moon. And to add to it, since the Premier was just about to kick off, the guy thought for good measure (and viewing) he'd also get a new color tv. Flatron.

now that wasn't wrong at all, he was entitled to these finer things in life... as we are constantly told by the bikini-clad chics on ads. But the beef i have is when you go for such things and know dam well, you can't pay for them! Not to mention, you can't pay for them although you're paying in installments. They tell you it's easier, in your mind you think its easier and your salo can handle but little do you realize its much more costly at the end. Not to mention also, you abscond payments and so my friend (the guarantor) was the ultimate guy to pay up or get locked up!

i mean, its funny yet sad. Why would i get into such shitty situations for someone i hardly know, whilst maybe i don't even have that kinda fridge or tv myself? Guarantor indeed!

And why would anyone for that matter want to buy stuff on credit if they know it’s out of their purchasing power? Living beyond your means is like kushindana na ndovu kunya/competing shitting with an elephant! You're bound to lose and look stupid in the process.

Uncouth

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First all, it'll be uncouth of me not giving dedicated Bongoflava fans like myself this goldmine of a youtube link, it's all here!! - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjwV-cActa8

So the other day after vehemently and verbally protesting how some people lacked basic manners, my boss put up a sign on his office door thus "Please knock before entering and close the door behind you". This all in a spirit of "open door policy" that was his mantra. And then he tells me,"some people are just outrightly uncouth, walking into people's offices like it was a soko!" Now, the word uncouth caught my ears and took me back to high skul where one odijo used it like a vowel.

I pondered over his statement and couldn't help but partially (80%) agree with him.

The first of many uncouth things i come across happens almost like every morning on my way to jobo. On the way i have to pass this semi-dark kichochoro that cuts my trek there by like half. However, the things you sometimes witness in this short section can make a 12 year old go berserk. I mean, it's just plain uncouth to throw away trust kondomus right in front of the path people walk every morning. Jamaz don't even have the courtesy to wrap them in some very dark black paperbag before disposal!

Then there's the incident i found myself in some many many many years past. i fell for two sisters at the same time. not simultaneously, but you get my drift. now, i don't want to divulge further info detrimental to my life but i learnt it's quite uncouth to date two sisters concurrently.

I’ve seen several discourses on some blogs about the rude and abrasive airing we receive nowadays from these local radio joints. I mean, am in a ma3 sat next to a woman old enuff to be my mum’s elder brother's wife and the radio squeaks a discussion on “What’s the best position he ever did it? How many times do you have “ma rubbings” in a week?........” and so forth. Am so embarrassed, my sony ericcson phone is taking the full brunt of my awkwardness.

It’s uncouth to lead someone on. Really. And also to go clubbin’ without thinkin’ how you gonna buy your own drinks, let alone enter the club. And in the process, inconveniencing every other person you’re rollin’ with.

It’s uncouth to come from clubbin’ and knock at my door 3am in the dead of darkness asking if you can crush away the rest of the night. And you’re accompanied by a chic!

They say it’s global warming effects that chics nowadays dress lightly. But it’s outright uncouth to walk around the streets with more than a sliver of your g-string stickin’ out of there like it was suffocating!

It’s so uncouth to climb the cistern of a public toilet and leaving your safari boot prints on the once speckless white ceramic.

Business deals. My, my, my, here, you get the mothers of all uncouths! Where I come from, it’s uncouth and unbecoming to recruit some naïve jamaz into your get-rich-quick-or-die-trying certificate-selling-pyramidal schemes when you know damn well that s!#% don’t work.

Or hire jamaz when you know very well the company's winding up biz in a few short months.

Which also means it’s very uncouth selling a piece of super polished sprite bottle purporting it to be green granite!

Aaaaaaaaand, its uncouth to charge me 20 bob when I enter a ma3 and the next jama that gets in gets to pay 10! It won’t be considered uncouth if it was the other way round though.

It’s ill-mannered to try and bribe a police officer. In front of the other passengers. At least do it in the back of the Nissan where the purple tint of the windows covers the transaction.

It’s uncouth to hop around from one fad to another just coz everyone else is doing it. I mean, do you have to join the gym and do “step aerobics” coz the rest of your girl crew is rolling that way? Get a punching bag for your room!

Last but not the least of uncouth happenings out here, when someone opens up their heart to you, its uncouth not to respond. Even at least negatively!

So, tell me, what’s the most uncouth thing you ever came across?

Mo Fotoz

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Due to great public demand (chuckle...), makanga this one's for you. More evidence of my activities during the weekend. Ji enjoy!

some of the paintings i displayed at the Prince Edwards meet-up.

just love her tatoo...

the message is clear. now only to convince bush/joji kichaka

graf artist working his dalmatian magic

part of the above graf with a robo-matatu theme

the tools of the trade

more tools- this sprayer is old but it still performs

jamaz are doing their own tees nowadays. Hakuna kulala!

chilling out at the bc wall

some more graf for your visual eye

big mike rides like that!

serene and afro setting for the evening jig.

There's more but at the rate blogger is uploading these images, i'll be 75 by the time am done! So let's leave it for some that day kenya decides to re-enter the eassy project, we might have enuff bandwidth to do this thing. Adios!

Visual Poetic Weekend III

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this was one crazily visual, poetic and eventful weekend. there was enuff to see and hear and do. and i swam in mental highness from friday nite to sunday nite. I'll let the images best tell it.

one of my artworks celebrating the matatu/Ma3 culture - Mathree za Nai! Notice how the music is pumped into the ma3 and the phat rims.

doobeez working the crowd. Have to say a word or two on Doobeez. He must be the illest lyricist i've heard coming out of the kenyan hiphop woodwork and although i got mad love for some of the local mcs, he's one of those people you listen and can't help saying "Wo, wo, wo!!" at every punchline. What with gems like "....naleta lyrics mpaka natoboa tonsils" and "you can't walk in my shoes, look at the size of these feet"! His Angerbanger/Angabanga album drops mid-October and its one CD my collection can't miss! Also, he's covered in the SHIKA (Streets Happen In Kenya and Africa) DVD with other underground mcs.

tradition met contemporary with an 8-stringed obokano performance laced with DJ Zaks hiphop scratches.

the east africa theme wasn't faded at all from the event

bob was fully represented in full regalia colours

peace, love and crabs. it's basic. yap! maslow was wrong!

stanton, need i say mo??

wapi graf on this junkyard matatu, done in under 3 hours - my bro hint and phiks collabo

two elements of hiphop - mc and graf fused in the evening sunset. Graf by uhuru.

yours truly collection, i had to come with some of my never-seen-before paintings.... yes, yes, they got accolades but were not for sale. too much sentimental value in them...

setting up lights for the evening cocktail

now that's what i call grafiti - uhuru and phiks collabo!

pointblank fiercely doing his thing under the green lite with a sketch of a lion head!


boy's best friend catching some action - i think it was Snoop playing! Its a doggy dog's world!

dude busy working a matatu culture graf - rebel is the cause of course.

60+ Years of Degeneration

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sometimes you come across some things and think, damn, good old days those. i was at my mom's some weekend past and pitiad through some old photos that brought quite alot of memories streaming over each other. i laughed looking at my tiny self and although i'd forgotten most of things i did back then, looking at these images pulled me back into the cellulite of my then-so-innocent life.

then there were the photos of my aunts and uncles in their teens, afros, mini-floral skirts and bellybottoms galore.

there was even an image of them at uhuru park - don't laugh - those days, that used to be "the spot" to hang out. it was green, pristine and had (hear this) boats. that's not all, from the image below of Nairobi dam, guess what, people went yatching on what is now a hyacinth paradise! Yatching in 1960, hyacinth in 2006. Na hio ni maendeleo.

i went through Malcolm McCrow's photo gallery of what The City in the Sun used to be in its post-uhuru euphoric-cum-glory days and i only have one thing to reiterate. Najivumilia kuwa mkenya!

yes, the population was minimal those days - both human and vehicles, but logically or as i think progressions should occur, we should be having skyscrapers that put the Petronas Towers to shame and flyovers circumventing the KICC. but we are still struggling with siasa za peni mbili and repairing potholes right outside City Hall.

oh by the way, did you know the top section of the KICC used to be a rotating restaurant? Yes, rotate as in go round, have 360 degrees of magical Nairobi view from that height. i think they lost a bearing so the gears stopped working (pun intended).

somehow looking at the photos from McCrow's site brought me feelings of desperation, hopelessness and mental fatigue. truth be screamed, i get these daily from the kenyan political circus, but these particular feelings were different because they banged in me the truth that once we had hope; nay, beyond hope, we had real things working. Efficiently, diligently, proudly.

Notice how he says "The modern 20th Century Cinema - among the most modern anywhere in the world"....

images from http://www.mccrow.org.uk/EastAfrica/Kenya/Kenya.htm

SPF50

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If you are reading this and you are a kawaida jamaa/man like me who thinks Vaseline and Blueband should share the same counter over at the local mart, you betta take notes, coz soon you’ll need them. While the world is busy talking of feedburners, RSS, xml, blogosphere, and therefore the digital divide, our can’t-live-with-them-can’t-do-without-them-often-verbose betta halves are churning out new expressions like overfed tennis ball machines.

This should be of great concern for men because soon, not only would we be confounded by hegemony-blasting quips like gender disparity but also what I call Gender Alienation - we’ll be talking a whole different language from the ladies. This time, literally.

This reality hit me when I was talking to some lady colleagues and after the first sentence, I could not keep up. Sasha said, “I was at the beauty shop the other day and got myself an SPF50”. Missal replied, “Oh, I use the same but SPF35 but with toning….”. I went like “Hold up! WTF is SPF?”

Ignorant as I was in this whole technical side of skincare, I was drawn into that conversation mimicking a Spanish-learning Romeo-wanna-be.

Now like any language, you have to be well-grounded in the basic tenets and for this one, they look like this.

Cleansers: Forget Omo and sunlight, those are detergents/soaps. Cleansers purportedly are kinder, gentler and unique to your skin type. You have face washes, cleansing foams, botanical and herbal soaps, washing powder etc! Yes, that’s entirely different from baking, curry, talcum or gun powder.

Toners: Ahem, what can I say. First I thought toners, HP, Canon and Epson printers. Of coz, I was wrong again. So now that you’re in the semantics, cram these. Antioxidant coenzyme Q10, age-defying (LOL), pH balance and splash-ons. These are the kind of words you should drop once in a while when conversing to chics and the topic is toners. Don’t get it confused, its pH not HP!

Moisturizers: I hear these have the power to increase the night hours hence if you’re a sleep addict, more fun! Here you get the Alpha-Arbutin creams and ceramide-enhanced lotions and Vitamin E. Some chics I know wear moisturizers that smell of chocolate…… aaaaah, let’s not go there.

Boosters: Thinking lucozade or those brown bottles? Nope! In Venus, this is the term that refers to anything containing seaweed, collagen, vits A, B, C, E, Hyaluronic acid compounds. Boosters my fellow jamaz can make even a roughed up face (from a fight with Conjestina) look presentable.

Fine Line Fighters: Its fine to enjoy feeling young at heart. However, holding grudgingly to youth has a word in this language. It’s called Age-defying. Under this nomenclature of the language, you’ll find all things that can make grandma look like your small sis. No more wrinkles!

Masks: If you’re an artist like me, what comes to mind is Luba Kifwebe masks from Congo or the Maori carvings. However, when translated into Venusian, it denotes the stuff you apply to recharge, illuminate, nourish or even peel-way your face. Yes, this is a whole new science guys!

Exfoliants: Nowadays, it seems like floors aren’t the only things you can scrub. Here, you’re talking about face scrubs, scrub brushes and AHA creams. Not Ahaa!! But AHA as in Alphahydroxy Acids. Repeat six times, you’ll soon cram it.

UV Care: Here is where the SPFs fall in. They are to our common man language, sunscreens. Even better yet, those liquids you apply on your raw face to prevent sun rays from kissing you. Why anyone would want to do that is another blog all together. And there are all kinds. SPF 25, SPF 50, SPF75 etc. The number indicates your age. Choose wisely.

When I ventured deeper into the language, I learnt more and more new words. Trust me, it’s not easy. This new lingo has its vocab stacked from A to Z. From Aloe Vera, AHA and Age spots to Zinc Oxide. To remember the last, I crammed it as Ox-hide!

Therefore, I urge you, start cracking coz when she gets you a gift of aaaaaaaah, let’s say the Clinique Travel Collection, you’ll be dumbfounded to know where to start…. Or even explain it at the airport when they claim its bomb-making material!

Talking like in any language is the key to learning it. So more often than not, I’d find myself on a roll, “I want to easen my photoaging, I was thinking I get myself an exfoliant with Watercress Extract that suits my skin pH. I think I’ll go for one with a humectant, maybe emulsifier. My collagen isn’t holding up too well….”

Oh, by the way, SPF ain’t for Super Pro Fling, it stands for Sun Protection Factor. And you thought umesoma?!

Dislaimer: If I applied all these things to my face, I think it’ll go into a comma.